Fatherhood Commonly Asked Questions
What is fatherhood coaching all about?
Fatherhood coaching is simply spending one-on-one time with the Fatherhood Case Manager to talk about the challenges of being a dad in your current situation. Often dads that choose to be in this coaching relationship are dads that no longer live with their child/ren for a variety of reasons. Dads explore what options are available and how they might let their child/ren know that they are still important to them. Dads find this one-on- one time particularly useful if they are stuck or are repeating patterns of conflict with their co-parent which they find difficult to change. Participation is voluntary.
If I participate in the Fatherhood Program, does that mean that I get to see my children?
Participating in the Fatherhood Program neither directly nor legally impacts your parenting time. Parenting time is decided by the court and is a different process. However, if your co-parent believes you are not as good a father as you could be, she may be more reluctant to negotiate with you for more parenting time. Participating in a Fatherhood Program and/or completing a fatherhood class can be a way in which you demonstrate your commitment to always becoming a better dad. Remember, parenting is for a lifetime so, even if things may not change much immediately, it is always the long view that is the most important.
I never get to see my child/ren, so why would I want to take a fatherhood class?
If you are not able to see your child/ren then there is likely alot of grief and loss you are carrying around with you. You are not alone. Other dads are going through the same thing. Most dads find it useful to listen to other dads talk about these losses and how they are coping. As men, we are not particularly good at knowing how these losses affect us and what we can or should do about them. The old "fight or flight" is the way most guys respond. There are better ways. While we are not a bunch of angry dads sitting around talking about how awful our co-parent is, some dads do talk with a lot of passion about what it is like for them to not be in their child/ren's life. Almost all dads find just saying it out loud and being heard is helpful and makes their lives better.
I'm already a good dad; wouldn't it just be a waste of my time to participate in a fatherhood class?
It is never a waste of your time to invest in either being a better dad or helping others become better dads. While every one of our situations is a little different, we believe we benefit from sitting with a group of guys that have one common denominator- we all love our children and want the best for them. The class is always better when we have good dads in it that can share stories about how they discipline their children without threats of violence or how they resolved a conflict with their co-parent. Even if you are a good parent now, as your children get older, your fathering skills will likely be tested even more.
I have been ordered to take a parenting class by the judge, so can I chose to take this class to satisfy the court order?
It may satisfy the court order, however all of the dads who participate in the Fatherhood Program or fatherhood class must do so voluntarily. We do this for two reasons: first because the funding for the program requires voluntary participation; and, secondly, it is believed that programs like this are most beneficial to the participants when they choose to be there rather than being ordered to do so. If you want to explore the possibility of the fatherhood tune-up class meeting your court ordered requirements, then contact the Fatherhood Case Manager to see how to establish that process.
Doesn't everybody know how to be a good dad?
Being a dad is something we need to learn, not something that we automatically acquire simply by aging, becoming an adult or fathering a child. We have a very specific idea about what it means to be a good dad, simply put: it is to be a father to your children in such a way that makes their one and only childhood the best possible time for them. This means we have to learn how to manage our own needs, wants, desires and emotions in such a way that they don't become a barrier to good disciplining, providing consistent love and emotional warmth, and creating a safe and healthy environment for them.
Can you meet with me and my co-parent to talk about our parenting time?
We have an agreement with Jefferson County Mediation Services which allows us to send parents to them who have conflicts over parenting time. They are skilled professional mediators and offer their time to our parents at no cost to either party. It is believed that a neutral setting and neutral co-mediator is the best way to help with these difficult issues. So rather than meeting with parents ourselves, we help set up this professional mediation time.
Please view the Web site for more information about mediation services. If you have an active child support case with our office, we can make the referral, and they will waive all listed fees for you.
Last Modified: Sep 6, 2011 12:06 PM
